"Finally, at midnight, we were ushered in to see the President who had his entire cabinet arrayed behind him. He asked me: “So, Ury, what do you think of the situation going on here?”

I said: “Mr. President, I’ve been talking to your ministers here, and to the opposition. And I think you’re making some progress.”

“Progress? What do you mean progress?” he shouted. “You’re blind. You’re not seeing all the dirty tricks those traitors are up to.” And he leaned in very close to my face and proceeded to shout. What was I going to do?

Part of me felt like defending myself, naturally. But what good would it do for me to get into an argument with the President of Venezuela? How would that advance peace? So I just listened. I gave him my full attention. I listened to where he was coming from. And President Chavez was known – he was famous for making eight hour speeches.

But after 30 minutes of me just nodding and listening, I saw his shoulders slowly sag. And he said to me in a very weary tone of voice: “So, Ury, what should I do?” That’s the sound of a human mind opening to listen.

So I said: “Mr. President, it’s almost Christmas. The country needs a break. Last year, all the festivities were cancelled because of the conflict. Why not propose a truce this time so that people can enjoy the holidays with their families? And after that, maybe everybody will be in a better mood to listen.”

He said: “That’s a great idea. I’m going to announce that in my next speech.” His mood has completely shifted. How? Through the simple power of listening. Because I listened to him, he was more ready to listen to me. 

"

"About a year and a half ago, I was invited to ask a Brazilian entrepreneur by the name of Abilio Diniz, to help him because he was trapped in a titanic legal dispute with his French business partner over the control of Brazil’s largest retailer. The Financial Times called it perhaps the biggest cross-continental boardroom showdown in recent history. It had gone on for two and a half years, and it was immensely costly and stressful, not only to both parties but to their families and the 150,000 employees of the company.

So when I sat down with Abilio in his home, I listened to his story. And after that, I had a question. I said: “Abilio, help me understand here. What do you really want?” 

And he said: “Well, I want the stock at a certain price. I want the company headquarters. I want the elimination of the non-compete clause.” And he gave me a list.

But as I listened, I heard something deeper there that was unspoken. So I asked him: “Abilio, you’re a man who seems to have everything. What are these things really going to give you? What do you most want in your life?”

He paused for a moment and thought about it. And finally, he said: “Freedom. I want my freedom. I want to be free to pursue my business dreams. And I want to be free to spend time with my family.” That was it. I was hearing the human being behind the words, not just the champion businessman.

So once we were clear about his deepest need, then the negotiation itself, while challenging, became a lot easier. And in four short days, my colleagues and I, by listening to the other side, were able to take this titanic dispute and resolve it with a settlement that left both sides highly satisfied.

As Abilio being a friend in the process later told me, “I got everything I wanted. But most importantly, I got my life back.” How did that happen? Through the simple power of listening. 

"

A description of an authentic interaction that you observed - provide relevant details. A brief evaluation of how the interaction might have been influenced by culture, gender or age

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