- Interpersonal & Work Communication <body>

Name: Leon Teng Kian Lun
Age    : 23
BOD  : 21/07/1993


Communicate the Love



Communication
- the human connection
-is the key to personal and
 career success.
            -Paul J. Meyer

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Sunday 12 February 2017
Evaluating Listening Skills & Nonverbal Behavior


William Ury is an American author, negotiation expert and co-founder of Harvard Program on Negotiation. He worked as a negotiation adviser and mediator in conflicts in many countries and situation. He also worked together with former United State President Jimmy Carter to end civil wars around the world.


On November 8th,2014 at a TEDx event, William Ury explains how listening is essential and often overlooked. Into the conference by Ury, he shared stories about his appointment with President, Hugo Chavez (Former President of Venezuela).

"Finally, at midnight, we were ushered in to see the President who had his entire cabinet arrayed behind him. He asked me: “So, Ury, what do you think of the situation going on here?”
I said: “Mr. President, I’ve been talking to your ministers here, and to the opposition. And I think you’re making some progress.”
“Progress? What do you mean progress?” he shouted. “You’re blind. You’re not seeing all the dirty tricks those traitors are up to.” And he leaned in very close to my face and proceeded to shout. What was I going to do?
Part of me felt like defending myself, naturally. But what good would it do for me to get into an argument with the President of Venezuela? How would that advance peace? So I just listened. I gave him my full attention. I listened to where he was coming from. And President Chavez was known – he was famous for making eight hour speeches.
But after 30 minutes of me just nodding and listening, I saw his shoulders slowly sag. And he said to me in a very weary tone of voice: “So, Ury, what should I do?” That’s the sound of a human mind opening to listen.
So I said: “Mr. President, it’s almost Christmas. The country needs a break. Last year, all the festivities were cancelled because of the conflict. Why not propose a truce this time so that people can enjoy the holidays with their families? And after that, maybe everybody will be in a better mood to listen.”
He said: “That’s a great idea. I’m going to announce that in my next speech.” His mood has completely shifted. How? Through the simple power of listening. Because I listened to him, he was more ready to listen to me. 
"
Within this story, we can see both active listening and non-verbal skills are display. To break down the points, Ury have showed us by listening to what the President have to rant out and enable him to understand the President. He listen and he waited for his turn to speak which he explained it with detail on how the President displayed non-verbal body language of accepting to listen to Ury's explanation. Resulting to a more pleasant and both party which Ury explain on how did he manage to talk through the President.
On my peer teaching presentation, Active Listening. I have read many articles and examples that is able to be source on the internet. Most of it have similar conclusion that, by listening actively to someone, non-verbal behaviour also play a part on how we portray ourselves to the other party who wish that we can listen to their problem they want your attention. 
"About a year and a half ago, I was invited to ask a Brazilian entrepreneur by the name of Abilio Diniz, to help him because he was trapped in a titanic legal dispute with his French business partner over the control of Brazil’s largest retailer. The Financial Times called it perhaps the biggest cross-continental boardroom showdown in recent history. It had gone on for two and a half years, and it was immensely costly and stressful, not only to both parties but to their families and the 150,000 employees of the company.
So when I sat down with Abilio in his home, I listened to his story. And after that, I had a question. I said: “Abilio, help me understand here. What do you really want?” 
And he said: “Well, I want the stock at a certain price. I want the company headquarters. I want the elimination of the non-compete clause.” And he gave me a list.
But as I listened, I heard something deeper there that was unspoken. So I asked him: “Abilio, you’re a man who seems to have everything. What are these things really going to give you? What do you most want in your life?”
He paused for a moment and thought about it. And finally, he said: “Freedom. I want my freedom. I want to be free to pursue my business dreams. And I want to be free to spend time with my family.” That was it. I was hearing the human being behind the words, not just the champion businessman.
So once we were clear about his deepest need, then the negotiation itself, while challenging, became a lot easier. And in four short days, my colleagues and I, by listening to the other side, were able to take this titanic dispute and resolve it with a settlement that left both sides highly satisfied.
As Abilio being a friend in the process later told me, “I got everything I wanted. But most importantly, I got my life back.” How did that happen? Through the simple power of listening. 
"
With the last story shared by Ury, he have show us how important is listening skill needed in a communication. We always show the other party that we are listening to them attentively, but be honest to yourself, how many time do you really understand what the person is trying to convey to you? What is not told is something that we need to listen deeply enough to make sure it is heard, as those are the main reason why the person is looking for you to talk about their problem.

Therefore, I will end this blog post with a conclusion that after reading and listening to William Ury video, listening and non verbal behaviour work closely together in order to solve problem for others or understand their purpose of talking.


 Revise

A description of an authentic interaction that you observed - provide relevant details. A brief evaluation of how the interaction might have been influenced by culture, gender or age

#this may affect certain people due to the content

From my personal observation, this happen in a family that parents are Buddhism while one of their child have a partner that is Christian.

For 24 years, the child was brought up in the culture of going to temple and praying like how Buddhist culture people does.

Within a year, things have gone worse which it did resolve and get better. The child told the parents that due to the other half being a Christian, may he/she follow the other half's culture but will still go to the temple with his/her parents with the terms that he/she is not going to pray. Parents got really angry with what the child told them and could not understand how the child have change so much in belief within such a short period of time. But due to the child's
 happiness, his/her parents have decided to let the child decide his/her own future path and no matter what the child happiness is the parents main concern. 

 As the months goes, the child have fall deeply into the other culture and having negative comment and action of the parents doing or culture, making the parents really angry. The parents decided to talk with other relative and friends, hearing the the younger generation and understanding them. After that, the parents decided to talk to the child and let him/her know what is going on is making the family tear apart and unhealthy. 

 The child listen and understand the parent's concern, decided to change his/her behaviour toward the parent's culture of Buddhism and do the minimum that he/she could do as he/she have live with it for the past 24 years.  From then on the parents and child get more bonded like they were in the past, with a better news that the child respected the parents culture and decide to let the parent choose his/her wedding date for the child.

From this personal observation, the child have interacted with another culture partner which make him/her to decide to follow the partner culture. With resulting to some misunderstanding and culture thinking conflict. But both parents make a choice of listening to the younger generation relative and friend to seek advise, as they know age gap may result to different different between the child and the parents. With both parties ended up speaking up and listening to each other concern, they have break those barriers that is not necessary to happen; which is to accept the each other culture and understand both age generation thinking.